Learning. Adapting. Changing.
Photo Credit: José Crespo
If there's one thing in this life we can be challenged by the most it's CHANGING.
How much effort have we deployed to resist change, more often than we would have like to, and sometimes even completely willingly?!
Why? What are we afraid of? What holds us back? What makes us prefer staying where we’re at, even when we’re not in a good place, rather than open ourselves up to change?
I have a theory about that: Change is always related to irrational fears, mostly about failing or deceiving, and these fears are like weed. They stick around and even grow wild, until we tame them.
Taming Our Fears
The process of learning and changing realistically happens in layers. It would be too hard to assimilate changes all at once, a bit like cooking requires ingredients to be integrated one after the other for tastier results.
Taking time and having a little patience is therefore crucial when we want to tackle the issue of “digging out our fears to tame them”. If we approach them too fast or too abruptly, chances are we’re going to scare them off. Our fears need our understanding, love and support. We have to show them that coming to the surface isn’t a scary act, but rather a gentle healing process involving zero judgment, within a safe and deeply caring environment.
Fears' Worst Enemy Is Our Inaction
When I began my online journey, a little over two years ago, I found myself coming face-to-face with my worst nightmare: Being Seen! How ironic, yet not surprising. What scared me the most, was exactly what I needed to face the most, in order to thrive.
I cannot count the numerous occasions I let my fears take over, and avoided doing things because I was afraid of failing, making a fool of myself or not looking good enough. I forgive myself today, because I see where my fears came from and why they made sense; but I wish I had managed to free myself sooner. I felt stuck and discouraged most of the time, letting inertia and my beliefs about not “being good enough” take over my highest intentions.
What To Do With Our Fears
The very first thing we must do when we come face-to-face with irrational fears and our beliefs is to have a sort of “REALITY CHECK”. In other words, relate them to a life situation that will help us understand:
Why they came up.
Why it made sense at a certain point in our life to create them.
Why they don’t necessarily fit anymore in a different context (like our current one).
Bringing perspective to our fears is like an act of solidarity. We help them find a reason to transform, our sometimes irrational reactions, into freedom of choice.
Why We Should Thank Our Fears
Up to a certain point, our fears helped us survive.
Within a threatening environment, we all find ways to protect ourselves. This is our survival instinct and it’s a healthy thing.
Fear settles in when we feel vulnerable and unable to face certain disempowering situations. When they’re old, thus deeply engrained in our memory, we transform them into beliefs, in a subconscious attempt to protect ourselves even more.
When we look at this description from another perspective, we see that our fears can be an opportunity to help us clean up things from a past that no longer matches our reality. If we can think of them as a prison that kept us trapped for a long time, then it’s easier to imagine letting go and even feel grateful!
Adapting To Living Without Fear
Let’s be honest: Living without fear is an act of willingness and bravery, period.
It requires a certain amount of work and consistency, but also of acceptance and realism, because fears never completely vanish. However, with patience, understanding and compassion, we manage them better over time. But let me tell you of one thing that works better than any other, when it comes downs to taming our fears and moving on: ACTION!
Action is key to begin clearing our fears, and I’m not talking about doing things we like or are good at, I’m talking about taking action where we feel discomfort and most challenged. That’s really key in the process of actioning changes and anchoring them. Learning to befriend disempowering situations, and even manage to transform them into empowering ones, is a good way to start living, rather than simply surviving.
Fears In The Body Too
When we talk about fears, we immediately think it’s playing tricks with our minds, but there’s also another reality to it. Our fears settle within our body, and unless we become fully aware of it, they turn into symptoms of anxiety, frustration, anger, leading to minor ailments first, and more problematic ones over time.
Whenever I spot a client with low performance, I always suspect some form of fear locked inside. When fear hinders performance, it’s usually due to an emotional wound, often well-hidden, of low self-esteem and lack of confidence.
We must help our bodies recognise, and then erase our traumas if we want to thrive. With awareness and gentleness, we can slowly shift things in the body as well as in the mind.
When Changes Become Real
I’ve never been a fan of quick fixes. I’m more a believer of long-term efforts and patience paying off. This vision helps a lot when it comes to taming our fears and transforming them into assets. Yet, the good news is, just like there must be a beginning to the journey of “choosing to get rid of our hindering fears”, there’s also an ending to it.
Not a classical “happy ending”, because like I said, deeply rooted fears leave scars, but what ends is the feeling of being powerless. Yes. When we can name our fears, have the courage to look at them in the eye, tell them we understand where they come from, why they settled in, and feel gratitude for protecting us for so long; we know for real that we’re going to be fine choosing to go on without them.
And this my friends, is the kind of reality I wish for you and your loved ones: fearlessly living your life to deliver your purpose and thrive.
To find out more about the positivity of taming your fears, click on the button below to watch the video or visit my You Tube Channel: Whispers by Anne.
Wishing you a fearless week!